Empty

Hi Everyone,

Hard day... just feeling completely spent and empty. Grace seems stable but is interacting very little. Ian and I feel like she is trying her best to ease us into what will soon be our new reality. We are now used to not seeing her walk, play or eat. Now it seems that she is getting us used to the idea of not hearing her voice. I don't know if there is an "easier way" to experience the loss of a child but we believe she is allocating our "loss" a little bit each day in an attempt to make it easier to digest. I don't know... if it were to all happen at once maybe you'd be in such shock that you'd be numb and that would make it "easier".... there's probably just no "easier" when living this. I wish I had a cute storey to share but we really were just busy all day trying to bring comfort to our baby... reading, singing, talking to her about how proud we are of her and how much we love her. Is it odd that the storey book she likes best right now is about a waterbug that gets sick and has to "go" and become a dragonfly who is free of illness? Never thought I'd be reading this to my 2 year old. Then again there's so much about life today that I could say "I never thought" about.

Sorry for crying the blues. I'm off to hug my baby. I'll have lots of time to cry when I no longer have a baby to hug.

L~