Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Living for Today.

Hi Everyone,

Since last blogging life has been pretty routine for Ian and I. I have begun my mat. leave with Eli due in 3 short weeks. Ian has wrapped up his final deck job (Ian has a small decking business that he works evenings and weekends during summer months) and I'm very much enjoying having him home more in the last week then he has probably been all summer. For Thanksgiving, Nana and Papa went to Grand Valley to visit with my brother and with Ian finishing up lose ends with regards to his last deck job we did not make any plans. However, as always, the DePaz's insisted we join them and we enjoyed a wonderful turkey dinner with Al, Jen, the kids, many members of Jen's family as well as a high school friend that we hadn't seen in a while, Neil. It was a really nice evening. Thanksgiving Monday during the day was Nikki (Grace's best friend) and her little sister Zenaide's birthday party at Springridge Farm. Two years ago Nikki's birthday was also held here and this was the last event that Ian, Grace and I attended prior to receiving the devastating news that Grace's tumour was malignant and not benign as diagnosed the previous May. I remember that day at Springridge so clearly. Grace was having difficulty walking so her Daddy carried her everywhere. I remember Grace not wanting to ride the pony but enjoying her daddy squeezing his way into the chicken coop with her in his arms so that she could collect an egg like all the other kids. I remember Ian and I sadly acknowledging that this would be our last family outing for a while however looking forward to her upcoming MRI on the Wednesday believing that this was the first step in Grace regaining full control over the movement of her right leg which had been deteriorating due to what the doctor's believed was the benign tumour irritating the part of her brain responsible for gross motor skills of this leg. However, instead of that MRI being the first of many steps in the "routine" removal of a benign tumour, it ended up detecting that Grace's tumour was not benign as original scans had suggested but malignant and now over 10times the size it was in May...our world began to crumble. Grace was immediately admitted to hospital, surgery took place within 36 hours and aggressive chemo began. I do look back at our time with Grace in the hospital very fondly. Even with the countless medical procedures, surgeries and at times unbearable illness that Grace had to endure, the memories of bubble baths, building tents in her hospital bed, riding the elevator, arts and crafts, so many stickers and so many hugs, kisses and laughter dominate my memory. But I do remember looking forward to our time in the hospital ending and getting Grace home in hopes of living a more normal life. Little did I know that I was wishing to begin the end of my time with Grace and not the beginning of normalcy. So once again I was changed by this experience, taught by Grace another lesson. It taught me to never wish for tomorrow if today is OK. As of late, many people are asking me if I'm tired of being pregnant and ready for Eli to be here. As much as I'm looking forward to Eli's arrival, I'm OK with today. Wishing for tomorrow can bring a whole can of worms that may make you look back at yesterday with envy. I think it's easy to fall into this way of always living for tomorrow believing it will be better than today. What if tomorrow brings something unexpected and devastating or even worse... tomorrow just doesn't happen? Mama once again thanks Grace for the lessons she taught as I live for today.

Mama misses you baby.


Post a Comment

<< Home