$25,000 & Counting

Hi Everyone,

I'd like to once again thank all of you who supported The Third Annual Walk for Grace. Cheques have continued to be received over the last two and a half weeks bringing the total earnings of The Walk to over $25,000 not including on line donations. It's hard to explain to those of you who have not lost a child how much this means to Ian and I. When Grace died, we struggled to find ways to continue to parent her even in her physical absence. Ways to ensure that the impact she would have on the world would reach far beyond the short two and a half years that we were blessed to physically have her here on Earth. Ways to keep people talking about her, remembering her and living differently as a result of the fate she was dealt and the lessons that she was burdened to teach as a result of this fate. By raising money for pediatric brain tumour research Ian and I feel that we are accomplishing some of this. It is so very important to us. Thank you for helping us do so. We have been blessed with friends and family committed to lifting us up when we struggle to stand on our own. Grace's research fund now sits at over $53,000! She will be forever remembered at The Hospital for Sick Children via a plaque baring her name in The Donor Hall of Honor. Again, thank-you.

Mama misses you,
Lesley

Missing Grace...

Today I miss Grace so very much it's debilitating. 12 months, 12 days since her death, it's not an anniversary or day of significance, so why today?? As I desperately flip through my books on how to "constructively" grieve in hopes alleviating my pain even slightly, I am reminded that many live with devastating loss and each has decisions to make with regards to how to live with it and I am responsible for determining how I will live with mine. I truly feel that I have many responsibilities in this whole process. I'm aware that my pain hurts those who love me so I often (subconsciously even) curb my pain to protect those who will be hurt by it. I don't want to be submersed in bitterness for doing so I feel would be an injustice to Grace for it would draw more attention to her tragic death then it would to her short yet wonderful life. As Eli's arrival quickly approaches and I prepare to bring him home, I struggle to balance my past and future so that he will be raised with as much love and enthusiasm as was Grace. I feel indebted to those who worked feverishly in attempts to save Grace's life and would like to aid their efforts to deliver greater success in the future while desperately trying to inject a level of "purpose" in Grace's death via fundraising and new research discoveries. I heard Terry Fox's mother on T.V. the other night and she said "He had to die so that so many others could live". I guess this desperation to find logic or purpose in the death of a child is shared. So... on a day like today when I am struggling with my reality, heartbroken with my circumstance, jealous of the reality of others, how do I survive? I guess acceptance that I will never again experience a world with unbridled happiness that comes to me effortlessly. I will grieve the loss of Grace with each breath that I take, constantly aware of the void that has been left but at the same time aware that I am responsible for my own happiness, no one else, so now that my new reality does not allow it to flow over me effortlessly, I must seek it out and artificially inject it into my world in hopes that as time passes this happiness will be available to me with less effort. I once read that the only thing we really know about Heaven is the departure, yet simultaneously this departure is the only part of Hell we need to know. It kind of feels like Hell today.

Mama misses you baby.
L~

A Huge Success!

Hi Everyone,

The Third Annual Walk for Grace was a HUGE success especially given the poor weather. Over 120 walkers participated raising $21, 600 and counting. We are hoping to be over $22,000 by weeks end when we submit this funding to Sick Kids on Grace's behalf. So if you have not yet sent your pledge, please do so via an on-line donation (make sure you make it in memory of Grace Stanley and ask for it to be placed in The Grace Compagnon Stanley Tribute Fund) or mail me a cheque payable to The Grace Compagnon Stanley Tribute Fund to 2126 Baker Drive, Burlington, L7L 0A8. The walking trails were beautiful, the kids loved the Gymboree activities and the Harvey's BBQ was the taste of summer that we needed to be distracted from the poor fall weather outside of the picnic shelter. Ian and I are so grateful to those who helped execute this day but also to all of those who came out in the poor weather to insure it's success. Thank you so very much! It was a very difficult day wishing that it was not our reality to be hosting a memorial walk for our sweet daughter, however we must now "play the cards we've been dealt" and work positively in Grace's honour. Thank you for remembering and honoring our sweet baby girl.

This will be an annual event and we look forward to the sunshine next year.

Take good care.

Mama misses you baby.
Les

We are still on!

Hi Everyone,

As you are aware, today is the Third Annual Walk for Grace and it's raining!! Just a quick note to let you know we are still on. We have a large sheltered area that we will be able to run everything (children's activities etc.) out of other than the actual Walks so bring your rain gear for when you will be hitting the trails. As many of you may be aware this is also the weekend for the breast cancer walk. If they can walk in the rain for breast cancer, we can for brain cancer! Hoping to still see everyone out!

Mama misses you baby...
Lesley

P.S. If you are unable to walk due to the weather, please still drop off your pledges to the Breckon Picnic Shelter today prior to 2pm.

365 days...

Hi Everyone,

One year since Grace's death. Unbelievable really. It feels like it's been a life time since I've held Grace yet the ache of my heart is as intense today as the day that she died. This is a wound that time will not heal. Some asked us what our plan was for today. Ian always responded "to survive it". As Ian and I got ready for bed, he hugged me and said "looks like we did it". We did, we survived. Again I am reminded that I have already lived my worse day; Sept. 6, 2006 when I held Grace as she gasped her final breath at 10:20am. No day will ever compare and Ian and I continue to survive in our new reality.

We hope to see you all on Sunday.

Mama misses you baby.
L~