much overdue update
Hi Everyone,
It's been 3 weeks since my last note and life has been moving at an insane pace. The walk on Dec. 2 went well. The weather was good. Ian and Brett completed the entire 32kms in 6 hours. Papa and I did about 24kms each with the balance of time being spent on coffee runs. I have to say I under estimated how difficult it would be. I've never really thought of walking as being strenuous but I've also never walked such a long distance at once. I wanted to update about the walk on Sun. Dec. 3 when Ian and I got home from church but that afternoon I learned a friend of mine who lives in Denver was in the hospital. I flew to Denver with in hours of hearing the news so "planned life" was put on hold. I'm happy to report that my girlfriend was discharged from hospital on Fri. Dec. 8 and although she has a very long road of recovery ahead of her, she's a fighter and 2007 will be a year of healing for her. I returned to Toronto on Sun. Dec. 10 after she was settled at home. This past week has been very hectic. We had the Bereaved Families of Ontario memorial on Monday evening. We found it very depressing and are going to focus our energy on more "upbeat" (for lack of a better word) ways to remember our little lady. Tues. Dec. 12 was our 8th wedding anniversary. We went to dinner and tried our best to celebrate the fact that our relationship has been able to endure such tragedy (something that I've recently learned many other relationships are unable to do). On Wed. was my first support group with Bereaved Families. It was the night to share your stories. I cried so hard sharing my tragedy with others but then cried just as hard as my heart broke while I attempted to absorb the tragedy that others had also lived. Thurs. and Fri. I forced my self to prepare the house for Xmas. I wrote Xmas cards, decorated the tree and staircase as well as made my best attempt at Xmas baking. Everything is bitter sweet and emotionally exhausting. A moment does not pass without my heart breaking due to the pain of missing Grace. It seems as though it gets harder as more time passes because I miss her more instead of less because that much more time has lapsed since I've last held her. I often feel as though I live impossible circumstances. According to the "world" I'm doing so well yet so few know my true pain and I even find that with out poor intention suggest in action that I am so capable when truly I'm not. So few can relate or have truly sacrificed there own worlds to absorb some of my tragedy so that they can try to understand. Life is just so hard and I'm not sure when It'll ease up. Sat. I hosted a Xmas party here for a friend. I only had to provide the location... everything else was done, but even that ended up being a bit overwhelming. Well, what's done is done... our first party hosted post the death of Grace, hopefully the next will be easier. Ian and I are just trying to manage through this very difficult time and move forward into the new year with as much hope as we can scrap together that happiness will one day dominate the sadness that currently grips our hearts.
Thank you to all of you who donated to the 2nd Annual Walk for Grace. You can continue to donate at www.gracestanly.org. I will let you know how much money that this walk generated for brain tumour research once I receive my report from the Hospital for Sick Children in Jan.
Mama misses you baby.
L~
It's been 3 weeks since my last note and life has been moving at an insane pace. The walk on Dec. 2 went well. The weather was good. Ian and Brett completed the entire 32kms in 6 hours. Papa and I did about 24kms each with the balance of time being spent on coffee runs. I have to say I under estimated how difficult it would be. I've never really thought of walking as being strenuous but I've also never walked such a long distance at once. I wanted to update about the walk on Sun. Dec. 3 when Ian and I got home from church but that afternoon I learned a friend of mine who lives in Denver was in the hospital. I flew to Denver with in hours of hearing the news so "planned life" was put on hold. I'm happy to report that my girlfriend was discharged from hospital on Fri. Dec. 8 and although she has a very long road of recovery ahead of her, she's a fighter and 2007 will be a year of healing for her. I returned to Toronto on Sun. Dec. 10 after she was settled at home. This past week has been very hectic. We had the Bereaved Families of Ontario memorial on Monday evening. We found it very depressing and are going to focus our energy on more "upbeat" (for lack of a better word) ways to remember our little lady. Tues. Dec. 12 was our 8th wedding anniversary. We went to dinner and tried our best to celebrate the fact that our relationship has been able to endure such tragedy (something that I've recently learned many other relationships are unable to do). On Wed. was my first support group with Bereaved Families. It was the night to share your stories. I cried so hard sharing my tragedy with others but then cried just as hard as my heart broke while I attempted to absorb the tragedy that others had also lived. Thurs. and Fri. I forced my self to prepare the house for Xmas. I wrote Xmas cards, decorated the tree and staircase as well as made my best attempt at Xmas baking. Everything is bitter sweet and emotionally exhausting. A moment does not pass without my heart breaking due to the pain of missing Grace. It seems as though it gets harder as more time passes because I miss her more instead of less because that much more time has lapsed since I've last held her. I often feel as though I live impossible circumstances. According to the "world" I'm doing so well yet so few know my true pain and I even find that with out poor intention suggest in action that I am so capable when truly I'm not. So few can relate or have truly sacrificed there own worlds to absorb some of my tragedy so that they can try to understand. Life is just so hard and I'm not sure when It'll ease up. Sat. I hosted a Xmas party here for a friend. I only had to provide the location... everything else was done, but even that ended up being a bit overwhelming. Well, what's done is done... our first party hosted post the death of Grace, hopefully the next will be easier. Ian and I are just trying to manage through this very difficult time and move forward into the new year with as much hope as we can scrap together that happiness will one day dominate the sadness that currently grips our hearts.
Thank you to all of you who donated to the 2nd Annual Walk for Grace. You can continue to donate at www.gracestanly.org. I will let you know how much money that this walk generated for brain tumour research once I receive my report from the Hospital for Sick Children in Jan.
Mama misses you baby.
L~
posted by Lesley at 12:16 p.m.
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